literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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