I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
