so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize