party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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