hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
