In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
