i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
