a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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