if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
