so that wasnt chicken after all
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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