Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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