i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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