Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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