Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
