I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
