This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
