nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
