did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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