apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize