I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
