sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
