He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
