I'm so fucking centered right now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
