I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
