you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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