if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
