were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
