can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
