Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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