check it out our google latitudes are spooning
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
