I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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