Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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