I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize