Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
