He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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