Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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