i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
