...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i think i just lost a toe
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize