New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
