I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
