I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
