the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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