The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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