I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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