My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
