Your face is a jimmy john
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
