I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
