It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize