I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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