remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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