I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
