New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
