I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize