i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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