At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
