I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
whose parrot is this?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
