I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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