You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
