her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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