singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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