well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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