but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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