If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
