didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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