6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
