Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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