I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
