I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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